The mental as well as the physical
So far on most of my posts in ‘along the way’ I have told you about the trials and tribulations of my learning how to ride a bike, the perils of riding in a peloton and the physical demands upon the body, I haven’t really gone through in any detail on how this has been affecting me mentally.
To commit to do this Westpac 200 Tour De Cure has been really tough, I as most of the people riding in tour have given up a lot so that we can train, be fit enough and have good enough skills to ride in the peloton and me, much more so than most, learn how to ride a bike, and a bike with gears, there are 11 on mine!!. I’ve missed friends birthday celebrations, a wedding in Europe, a snow holiday in Canada with my friends and essentially I missed Christmas as that was when I first started training on an actual bike. My local bottle shop has nearly gone out of business and my friends have posted a missing person ad as they have hardly seen me.
During this week things got a bit too much, a friend who I used to be close to suddenly passed away, it was such a shock and being so close to Haylie’s memorial in New Zealand which I am still trying to come to terms, this other death really hit me. Work on top of that has been stressful and I’m not feeling settled and those who know me I like to have my Libran scales balance. And to top that out, a few people have let me down, some close, some not so close but when you kinda put yourself out there to do this you really do need all the support you can get.
So my insomnia which lures it’s ugly head mostly when things are not settled appeared on Wednesday which was a shock at first but now thinking back reflectively I’m not sure why but probably because I have been sleeping so well, for me anyway and despite the bewitched children in the apartment next door I would say purely because I’ve been absolutely exhausted with all the training and keeping up with the posts in this blog.
An old reoccurring nightmare has appeared, the best way to describe it is it’s like the Robbie Williams music video for Rock DJ where he is dancing in the centre and basically everyone is pushing him to do more and everyone wants a piece of him, so he gives more and they all take a piece and he keeps giving as he wants their approval until there he is stripped bare of everything and he has nothing left else to give, skin and all.
It sounds a bit dramatic but that’s my nightmare and the anxiety that I feel when I’m in the dream is terrifying. So waking up at 3am after a late night working with only about 4 hours of disturbed sleep and not being able to get back to sleep is not great but I have to get up at 4.30am anyway for training and so I rock up and promptly burst into tears…………..eeek!!
The TDC team were awesome, I managed to stem the tears and to reclaim some dignity but going out and helping the lead the peloton on the way back, phew!!
So getting back to the header, it’s mental as well, sometimes the mind needs a break, or rather you give it a break just as much as when the body needs one too. I head to work to Brisbane tomorrow which I know will be super busy but I have a few hours on Saturday morning free and fingers crossed the Queensland climate is going to be kind and I’ll be able to get a few hours next to the pool before I fly back.
To end this post on a positive note, although I have been let down by some, I am SO lucky with so many AMAZING and supporting friends – you know who you are……..
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